Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
