BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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