I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
