you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Randomize
