a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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