he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
