two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
