yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
