My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You're a disaster
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