If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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