Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
