I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
