hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize