he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize