omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
