Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
