Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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