Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Randomize
