I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
