I hate all girls vehemently.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
