Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
