didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
