i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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