in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
