apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
wow bdsm is so cute
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