He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
