A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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