Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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