rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize