i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
