is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
