If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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