so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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