we have pet lesbian snakes
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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