You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
