The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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