The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
