I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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