I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
