That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
