I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm sobbing to NWA
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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