I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
