The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
