How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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