You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
