There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
