I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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