I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
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