i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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