oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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