the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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