Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
