Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
