End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
sex in a hospital.. check
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize