Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
