She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
