So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Randomize
