You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He passed out mid-signature
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
