Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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