I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
