I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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