I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I am available for nakedness
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
