My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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