so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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