What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize