I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
